3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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