when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
