I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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