There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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