i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
