idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
