Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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