I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
the raccoons are back...
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