I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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