I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
