gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
