I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
