i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
