So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
