How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
