I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
