I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
