do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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