She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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