Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
