so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
