I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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