remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
