I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Even my vagina gasped.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
