it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
