and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Drunk walkin through police station. America
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
