She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
