Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
