dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
