ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
