The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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