She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
