I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
