things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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