covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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