what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
