I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
