So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
