Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
