Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
