I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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