I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
