I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
