rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
