Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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