I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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