I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
