grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
