Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
