Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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