i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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