I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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